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Monthly Archives: December 2014

Recycling Trash I Gotta Get Past From: Carl The Muse Johnson

Sleepless nights creep up on you in life, they come at the hardest times when your legs can’t possibly move fast enough to keep up with your mind.

It’s been one of the most trying of my life. I am spinning all day and tossing all night.

It’s been a hell of a fight and there was no training no sparring, no chance for preparation, this is a learning on the job situation.

It’s gonna hurt forever, the pain may change but it won’t ever get better. It’s a cold hard fact, I just gotta live with that. I don’t need help being aware of my emotions, it’s how I react.

It’s never as bad as it seems, it’s just the worst to you, because it is your bad dream. Who feels what you feel? Who is dealing when you deal? When it hits like a brick I’m the one who’s nearly killed.

I’m trying to break the cycle of the worst days of my life being recycled but it feels like I’m fighting against hell without the arch angel Michael.

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Suddenly Awake by: Carl The Muse Johnson

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Suddenly I’m up and awake

Suddenly my soul is perfectly aware of time and space

Suddenly aware of what it takes

Suddenly aware of the rapid pace

Suddenly aware of the inevitability we all face

Suddenly aware of the warmth from the fire

Suddenly immune from it’s flame

Suddenly the perspective fixed

Suddenly I can’t miss

Suddenly the reticle is aimed

Suddenly the harvest is being touched by the rain

Suddenly the drought is no more

Suddenly heaven has opened the flood gates and every door

Suddenly I can breathe again

Suddenly I can feel energy seeping through every pore of my skin

Suddenly it’s all changed and still the sun is shining like it never has before

Suddenly I woke up and my own soul, my own path could no longer be ignored. From the soul of: Carl The Muse Johnson

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From Then To Now, This Is How By: Carl The Muse

It’s been harder lately to write because so many changes have occurred in my life. I have been stuck in a rut as days simply turn into nights. I lost my mother and my big brother weeks apart both suddenly and unexpected. My soul had been shocked and I was rocked to my core, in an instant life was drastically different than it was moments before.

I shut down, I stopped dreaming, I stopped talking, I stopped writing, I stopped running, I stopped moving forward and just waited for whatever was coming.

My mom went through the same thing at my age with my grandparents and my uncle Rose dying very close together of very different causes.

I watched as a kid, I was barely ten when I lost the first one, but I didn’t start to get it until it kept happening, but even then I didn’t have the same level of realization and depth of feeling I have now.

It hit like a blunt object to the head, the pain knocked my soul out, It radiated through me but on the other end of the pain, I am finding a strength, an energy.

I am finding where I need to be, the adjustment to the new normal, to the new roles and taking the wheel and knowing I am now responsible for how the rest of my family’s story unfolds.

Its hardest to tell the intimate truths within you to strangers, but sometimes it’s the strangers who are kindred, all you have to do is speak your language and it will be native to them, but who hears silence?

I’m ready to speak, I know many out there will feel me. My struggles are my own but they are not unique, we have all been chained but we don’t all break free.

 
 
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