It’s been harder lately to write because so many changes have occurred in my life. I have been stuck in a rut as days simply turn into nights. I lost my mother and my big brother weeks apart both suddenly and unexpected. My soul had been shocked and I was rocked to my core, in an instant life was drastically different than it was moments before.
I shut down, I stopped dreaming, I stopped talking, I stopped writing, I stopped running, I stopped moving forward and just waited for whatever was coming.
My mom went through the same thing at my age with my grandparents and my uncle Rose dying very close together of very different causes.
I watched as a kid, I was barely ten when I lost the first one, but I didn’t start to get it until it kept happening, but even then I didn’t have the same level of realization and depth of feeling I have now.
It hit like a blunt object to the head, the pain knocked my soul out, It radiated through me but on the other end of the pain, I am finding a strength, an energy.
I am finding where I need to be, the adjustment to the new normal, to the new roles and taking the wheel and knowing I am now responsible for how the rest of my family’s story unfolds.
Its hardest to tell the intimate truths within you to strangers, but sometimes it’s the strangers who are kindred, all you have to do is speak your language and it will be native to them, but who hears silence?
I’m ready to speak, I know many out there will feel me. My struggles are my own but they are not unique, we have all been chained but we don’t all break free.