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From Then To Now, This Is How By: Carl The Muse

It’s been harder lately to write because so many changes have occurred in my life. I have been stuck in a rut as days simply turn into nights. I lost my mother and my big brother weeks apart both suddenly and unexpected. My soul had been shocked and I was rocked to my core, in an instant life was drastically different than it was moments before.

I shut down, I stopped dreaming, I stopped talking, I stopped writing, I stopped running, I stopped moving forward and just waited for whatever was coming.

My mom went through the same thing at my age with my grandparents and my uncle Rose dying very close together of very different causes.

I watched as a kid, I was barely ten when I lost the first one, but I didn’t start to get it until it kept happening, but even then I didn’t have the same level of realization and depth of feeling I have now.

It hit like a blunt object to the head, the pain knocked my soul out, It radiated through me but on the other end of the pain, I am finding a strength, an energy.

I am finding where I need to be, the adjustment to the new normal, to the new roles and taking the wheel and knowing I am now responsible for how the rest of my family’s story unfolds.

Its hardest to tell the intimate truths within you to strangers, but sometimes it’s the strangers who are kindred, all you have to do is speak your language and it will be native to them, but who hears silence?

I’m ready to speak, I know many out there will feel me. My struggles are my own but they are not unique, we have all been chained but we don’t all break free.

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Say it And Save It By: Carl The Muse

All I ever wanted you to say to me was, SOMETHING.

When you see me at my lowest and totally outside of myself, that’s when I most need you, that’s when I need your HELP.

When I am covered in fire and burning up our love, you could put the inferno out if you just gave me HUG.

The only thing that has ever served as my motivation, is when you showed me your APPRECIATION.

This time I may be wrong, last time you may have been right. The only thing I’m saying to you my love, is I’d rather do anything with you but FIGHT.

I can’t make you say what you don’t want to, but can you please remember the same silence when you lie and aren’t ready to tell the TRUTH.

You come my heart starts to race and hours later I want you out of my face. Then hours after that I’m back on the chase hoping the foolishness I said earlier has been erased.

You know what’s hardest to dispute? The simple TRUTH.

You left that BS and then stepped right in it, going two steps backwards when you take one step forward to me that’s called sinning.

There is nothing you can do to change how I feel about you, except if you keep lying and refusing to tell me the TRUTH.

Rough days will come and hard nights will go but one thing neither of us should ever feel is ALONE.

I may fuss all day and fight some nights, but all storms pass and everything will be alright. I will always find calm with your steady presence in my life.

There is only one job, one title and one thing that matters to me. There is one goal I am ever trying to achieve. I want to be the best man, I can possibly be.

Lying is something we all at some point do. Unfortunately the same cannot be said about telling the TRUTH.

You don’t have to have so many predetermined conditions you have clue how where when why who what will happen but if you don’t just let the wind blow and you put up a wall then the leaves cannot fall where they may because it’s never chance, it’s what we allow to happen or not, the best thing we can do is get ourselves out of the way so our spirits can move

First thing I am is considerate of others and their lives. I add no pressure, stress, time limits or past baggage. focus on the insecurity first otherwise no man has a chance. You have to be in the right place and no woman with all those trust issues is. No man can give you what you need to have yourself with is confidence in you

Walls don’t protect anything they just keep people out and away, putting a wall up you yourself can’t be free to what the winds bring, you are behind a wall, working yourself out from behind that should be priority, you have to bring yourself from behind that wall not another soul

Maybe I’ll help guide you out, I’ve realized no other soul can rescue another in the way we think, we all are born and die alone, others take the journey with us when we let them but the journey is still personal you and you thing, all another can help do is help you walk into you. My life isn’t one where I’m willing to go through much because I’ve been through much, my sail is up, no forceful combustion, I’m just living, letting life be, I flow like the wind

Submission is sometimes all you need for admission to where you wanna be.

Carl Johnson.

 

Nothing Can Be Done Without Faith By: Carl The Muse

imageIt takes a leap

And a whole big heap of it

It’s the only thing you can call on

When everything else in you says defeat

Its the only thing you got to get you on your feet

When you hit rock bottom, It becomes simple does the math

One thing will help you right the ship

And get you back on your path

They say trouble don’t last

But in those short times, you better find it fast

There is no way around it, This is the trait, the one class

No living soul can bypass

You better learn it now

Before it’s too late

And life gives you too much to handle

And you end up on your face

It’s the only way you will know

It will all be ok

There is no survival or growth

Because…

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Nothing Can Be Done Without Faith By: Carl The Muse

 

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It’s hard to fight what you can’t deny: By Carl The Muse

Call me

Call me out loud

Call me silently surrounded by a crowd

The waves you send

The chills they are profound

I can hear you so clearly

If you are far I’m fooled

You feel so near

Like you are inside of me

Or you are just within a shout of my ear

Either way

I can feel

Like I am getting closer to you

With every tear I feel myself loosing the fear

Every struggle has brought me nearer

To the moment

The place the time

To where I can truly find my way out of darkness

And embrace the sunshine

It felt like it would never happen

Now it feels like it’s right on time

If I had to wait a hundred years

As long as I get to experience it

I don’t mind

Just tell me where it starts

But I must be honest

This time

I may just cut the line

It’s hard to fight what you can’t deny: By Carl The Muse

 

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When Paths Cross By: Carl The Muse

There was a spider that found it’s way inside today and it ended up hanging right in front of my face. I knocked the web down the spider hit the ground and it was from there the message was profound.

At first I was going to crush it but today I felt, I thought, I saw life and rather than kill it, I found it not deadly not aggressive, it was simply a baby spider lost, obviously to find itself in my bathroom where it’s bug free as opposed to outside the abundant wildlife and insects just on the other side of the glass.

I decided for life, I decided to take a few moments of my time to try to save life, because I had the power to do so, in losing my mother my brother and so many others I felt powerless over life, I got to know I have very little control but with that said I do have some and with that knowledge I fight for life, big or small, I can see the significance of because I know love and love is life and a love for life yours and those that cross yours.

The one who God gave the power to in this instance was me, I could have killed it and never had another thought but then who and what does that make me? I’ll let God decide but I took my time and got the baby spider on with his life.

Hopefully we are both better having met.

 

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Day And Night, It’s Life By: Carl The Muse

Many mornings of my life I could barely open my eyes, I felt barely alive, I felt dry, inside I had no drive, a total vacuum of my pride.

That was then

Before the sunrise, now it’s warm, I’m embraced by the sun, I had no legs just moments ago it seems and now I am ready to run, it was a sudden shift, it came like the road runner, I’m saying swift.

Like night and day, it’s always inching closer to the change but no matter the weather outside, in you the faith must remain, it’s the only way to maintain, so live your life and love with all your might, Get out of your brain and faster than you can blink your eyes, Nothing will ever be the same. Like day and night suddenly it will all change.

Day And Night, It’s Life By: Carl The Muse

 

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A Rumbling In The Tummy By: Carl The Muse

A Rumbling In The Tummy By: Carl The Muse

Suddenly I could only see red

You would have thought an artery popped inside my head

There was no denying

And I was tired of fighting

If there was something wrong

I was now determined to right it

I had been hiding

Lying from the hard truths

When inside

I know what to do

It was a heavy rumbling

Things were crumbling

I tried to refute it

Tried inside to refuse

What I knew

And it went on too long

Like a bad song

But as the weight barred down upon me

I became as strong

And as I was denied food

I became as hungry

Now I am determined to eat

Dancing to the drum of loves beat

Following my soul and seeing where it leads

After all this

How could I fear defeat

Love has it’s arms wrapped tightly around me

And with that knowledge

I know it’s time for me to provide and take part in a feast

Im not the only one out here starving

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