I have been called this word my entire life and I must admit it always hurt inside because I always thought well maybe it is too much, but I do not know how to give anything less than my all when I do give, otherwise I will not bother.
I have accepted and I will for the very first time in my life accept that I am:
existing or occurring in a high or extreme degree: intense heat.
acute, strong, or vehement, as sensations, feelings, or emotions: intense anger, intense love.
of an extreme kind; very great, as in strength, keenness, severity, or the like: an intense gale.
having a characteristic quality in a high degree: The intense sunlight was blinding.
strenuous or earnest, as activity, exertion, diligence, or thought: an intense life.
I will own it and if that is the worse than can be said of me, keep saying it. I like being the man who is right there with his all in every single thing that he does, when I love you I LOVE YOU, when I dislike you it can be as intense as that love.I was recently called that word and this time it sparked me in a way that it had never done before, at first the old emotion of hurt came up and I thought of how I could have conversations with less depth and give off a laxy daisy energy rather than the kind of intensity that emanates from my essence. I thought about it and something in me said NO and it was a loud NO!
I will keep that intensity as a matter of a fact I will get better with it, It is who I am, it is what I was born to be.
I know how the word intensity can be used incorrectly, and how it can be applied in such negative ways to people or situations, however I will say this one Million more times in life. Bad people should not define any word or thing other than themselves, that is the only thing they represent, they represent a bad person inside. That simple.
I used the word opportunist once to describe myself to my mother, I approach situations in a way sometimes that I know is I being an opportunist. When I used this word my mother said, Baby I would not use, that word for you at all and I said why Mom? I knew what she meant and I said to her, I know what you mean but I had the opportunity to do wrong and I had the chance to do what was right and with the opportunity in front of me I took it and did what was right. I knew inside at that moment that I was often an opportunist, I look for places and situations where I can go to do some good, I am very much an opportunist, I feed my soul when I do well and I take the opportunity as often as I can remember to stay centered to do so.
That word Opportunist has been used so often with scam artists and business people who simply do nothing but cease the opportunity to help themselves regardless of others, they have been labeled opportunist, the thief that sees you forget to lock the door is the one that is labeled the opportunist. These people again should not be allowed to define any standard words, they should have their own and many of the curse words we created would suit them better.
I am Intense, I am intense in how I love, Intense in how I speak, I workout with that intensity and I drive with it as well, I am intensely having fun when I indulge in anything I like, I am watching things with an intense look because I am focused and 1000% there when I do, this is my intensity in a nutshell. My intensity is I right there with all of me, I have come to realize that this is not bad, while some see it that way, there are others that crave it.
I got a client who is the founder of one of the top 50 largest banks in the country and she called me that word. I felt compelled to ask her, what does that mean or how does she mean that rather? This was shortly after I was somewhat hurt by being called that by another person. She replied because she is every bit as intense as me, she said that should could feel my energy and read my eyes as I gave my presentation and she said that she needed someone like me in her life, because I would make her better. Here I stood before a woman of such stature ( A billionaire and brilliant business mind) and she thought my intensity would somehow be just what she needed to get better?
She hired me on the spot and I did not even know it, she left for South Korea days after my presentation, so I was disappointed that I did not get the client, I wondered but inside I knew I would, I always have this crazy knowledge of what is going to happen. The woman came back into town and contacted me and told me that she hired me the moment I got done speaking and that she forgot to tell me she would be gone for a few weeks, and that she has lots more for me, she told me that she believed I was more capable than she thinks I know and that as I train her, she will train me how to embrace what it is that I have inside.
Great meeting, great client and maybe the opportunity that I told my mom about when I did the right thing instead of what was easy, profitable to me and wrong, is coming back full swing. My intense nature made me do right, I would have hurt so intensely over making the wrong choice, I would have never stopped thinking and the inner torment would have been intense, instead I did what was right and now I am able to bask in the intense way that I feel accomplishment when I do right.
Being able to feel things in such a great manner is not a bad thing at all, so i will embrace that word, hell they can put it on my grave stone, Carl Johnson, was and is intense. He lived a life where he loved intensely and laughed with as much intensity as he loved, he gave from his soul every single time, and his effort always could be seen as intense with this man, you can feel the heat from the flame as well as you can see it. He was the ultimate, lover, father, son, brother and friend, Carl was intense.
I would be just fine with that.
Carl The Muse.