Lately I have had trouble sleeping, I want to be awake all night, I am too excited or too content whatever you want to call it, I have been too excited to close my eyes at night and so I have been spending most of my hours the same way day or night, I am either playing with my children or I am some where around the house rediscovering my wife.
When I do close my eyes, I never sleep through the whole night, It seems like I always wake up at the same time to get a drink of water, to kiss my kids in their beds, to walk around my home to look outside, I am living a dream all I have to do is open my eyes, and so I am caught in this endless circle of living every moment, I see no difference between day and night, The moon rules one and the sun the other side, the thing they both have in common is light.
I am like a flower, I grow where there light tells me to go. Its hard to sleep when love surrounds me. One day I will die, One day I will not be in this body, One day I will see out of a different set of eyes and so while I am here, I am living this life. I know what I feel I can see the difference between what is fake and what is real.
I open my eyes and adjust to the light, I look at the water, I listen to the waves right outside and then I look over next to me and I start to crave my wife. Its the same thing every night, I rise out of my bed walk around my home and then I get back in bed with my wife and I cannot leave her alone and she tells me to do whatever I want to do because I am her King and this bed is my throne, she tells me not to knock on the door to my own home, she says I can come right over, I never have to pick up the phone and when she tells me this I enter this zone and so every night, I reclaim my throne.
It feels like we have been awake for days we are trapped in the best place and we are not even trying to escape the maze, we have hit our stride, ten years is more than a phase, we have all sorts of momentum now, we are just riding the wave.
The darkness nothing more than a change, The rain, nothing more than preparation for the gain, The loss, there is none it was not in vain, The scars, memories of what was but even they have healed nothing from then remains, they were all washed away in the storm cleansed by the rain.
One thing I cannot be called is insane, my core remains, but with perspective and experience my behaviors change, I want people to smile when they mention my name. To my family, my friends and strangers in the street my aim remains the same, with my tragedy, I share the testimony of how love rescued me, I tell where I was because it was that moment then that allowed me to be who I am now, It was in that moment that I learned for this moment and now I know how.
There is always hope, their is always a yes awaiting on the other side of no, you have to tread water, even when it seems you are surely sinking you have to know, you will be saved, you will float, so pray and say thanks and prepare for the winds to blow and before you know, You will be where you were supposed to go, but you cannot doubt, you have to know.
Maybe that is why I wake up and seem to stay that way for days, Maybe its why I love my family more everyday, Maybe is because I have finally realized that I am not strong enough to do it alone and I have allowed myself to be saved.
I prepared my sail and I have been truly awake, I have been right here right now, the moment is at stake because the moments that I do not appreciate might later be taken away.
I Am Awake, The storm came and threw me into place, I went through what I needed to
God makes no mistakes, and now I am aware of just is what is at stake.
I am thankful for love and perspective, that is all I gotta say.
Awake, The Storm Only Threw Me Into Place By: Carl The Muse