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What Is Expected Of Me By: Carl Johnson II (Carl The Muse)

11 Apr

fall

 I lost my mother and brother two months apart

And I wondered what will give out first

My soul

Or

My heart

People would tell me how strong I am

But

I felt like I was falling apart

But I seem to just keep sailing on

So If survival is a skill

I guess I am mastering this art

But no matter how many times I did it

It still felt hard

Even though the wounds healed

I had scars

But I can hear my moms voice every day

I can hear her telling me to stop getting lost in my head

And that I am already saved

She would tell me to slow down

Meditate and pray

Trust in God and have faith

I am learning to listen

And occasionally in the midst of this storm

I find myself losing track of the days

I no longer care about time

I just want to play

I no longer worry

I just stop and begin to pray

I am no longer afraid of the pain

The struggle or the strife

I just want to live my life

Even as the storm rages

I am just happy to be alive

I no longer imagine what could have been

I am now standing right here

In the now

In the light

My thoughts no longer change direction like the wind

The only direction is right

Now when I get lost

I am right here in this thought

I look at the things I have

And the things I have had

And I see the blessings

And its not so bad

The love a wife

The blessing of kids

I had a mother and a brother

I got to see my grandfather and grandmother

I have experienced the depths of love

The highs and the lows

Love is a verb that I intimately know

There is someone who never did

I am losing people that I love

But

I have every reason to live

Even when I think I am drowning

I am washed ashore

The sunlight touches me

And lets me know

I will see another day once more

I open my eyes

And once again

I win

They have gone but

I live on

I am

My family

A firmly planted seed

Through the storm

I am given much more

I am washed ashore

Planted firmly

And through the pain

I am growing

Finally becoming

What I was meant to be

More than just a branch

A Tree

What Is Expected Of Me By: Carl Johnson II (Carl The Muse)

palm-trees2

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