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The Prayer By: Carl Johnson II (Carl The Muse)

01 Apr

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I have been writing in poetry form on this site since its inception but this was not the way I wrote. Not until life brought me down to my knees, not until the water showed me what I meant to me. From the water in my body to the ones that eventually rolled down my cheeks, I learned that there was a blessing in everything.

A glass of water touched my soul, I could feel my spirit awaken as tears began to roll. I found depth in everything going from an eagle soaring to one with broken wings.

From the ground is where who I really am has been found because it is at your lowest point that you shut up and let God’s voice be the dominant sound.

What many of you do not know is this site came to be as my life was going through turmoil. I had everything and nothing, I lived on the beach and for a period of time I never went there. I was alive but dying inside and as a result I started to go blind. I could only see everything that was wrong and everything bad that was happening, and it went from that to me having nightmares about things that were once a dream.

I fell asleep in the same spot every night. I closed my blinds sometimes because I wanted to hide from the light, I could only see the struggle nothing good was in sight. Suddenly I had forgotten all the triumph from tragedy that has happened right in front of my eyes.

I messed up so many times, I was heartbroken so many times I expected to flat line. I was standing in the middle of paradise but lost in my mind. Things could have been so much worse because in spite of my struggle it was not my car in the line behind the hearse.

It is a feeling that I already knew, Its a feeling I have felt and dealt with and had to move through. In those times of what feels like hell, I take a look deep inside to see what I can make better about myself.

I must admit the man in me sometimes feels like a failure. I reflect on things I could have done, I think of the battles I have lost and forget of the ones I have won. I forget where I was headed and I go back where I just came from.

I was just feeling again and now I am numb.

That has been the cycle for those that I love, we get right to the tip of it all and then we fall just as we begin to look up.

It was the same thing till me

My family seemed stuck

Out of gas

Out of luck

My mom taught me to move

Even when broken I can push through

She taught me

How to heal a wound

So that it won’t kill me

She told me the only thing

That could set me free

I know what to do

When I am in need

When I am hungry

I know just where to feed

When my heart needed a nurse

I had my momma to nurse me

She was a nurse

Figuratively

And Literally

But now she is no longer a phone call away

She is in another realm

Occupying another space

Her work is done

She left behind a seed of faith

Deep inside of me

So I turn to faith

I try to stand firmly in place

I don’t need no luck

I already know

As I am falling down

I am heading up

I have been shown so many times

I already know

Things will work out just fine

The bleeding stops with me

The perspective has changed

We see the message in defeat

We stand tall and never retreat

And we take that lesson

And the next time

We plan for victory

You may not see it now

But its already been achieved

The moment

I open my eyes

And rise from my knees

Even when I feel all alone

You are near me

I can’t see you

But I know you are there

When I need help flying

This is how I get air

The Prayer By: Carl Johnson II (Carl The Muse)

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2 responses to “The Prayer By: Carl Johnson II (Carl The Muse)

  1. thebestfaithever

    April 1, 2013 at 11:46 PM

    Thank you for sharing. I admire your vulnerability and openness in sharing this post. Continue being an inspiration.

     
    • A Man

      April 2, 2013 at 6:46 AM

      Thank you so much. What can we do but share testimony, there is always someone who can use what we have. Why horde what God gives us when we can be a blessing to someone with it, thus creating a cycle.

      Every trial and tribulation along with the blessings that follow are a testimony to be told.

      Carl.

       

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