Letting It Go To Let It Flow By: Carl The Muse

I spend too much time thinking writing and not sharing these bits that I am not paid for

Many are unaware of how this writing has blessed my life not just in a monetary sense but in every way this writing has been a release a way to say one of the million things at any given time that may be going through me. The writing here allows me to sit and focus because those of you that know me know I am a ball of energy and I see that I must release. I can only workout so much in a day so to sit and focus it in one place I am either making love to my wife or itching inside because there is something my soul wants me to say. 

I share me here so much and still this is only 55% of me my wife says I can say everything and nothing when I speak.

 

So this thing may have typos sometimes who knows, I forget to spell check sometimes. Forgive me for those I am surely not the one who purposely ignore typos but I am about to just write what I write without so much thought I will let it flow. 

One of the hardest things is sitting here and stating the truth, there are so many thoughts rolling through my head at one time, I can think myself out of anything I can make things that make no sense at all into something, I can turn something into nothing with this one little tool called my mind. 

I have written ten books and none of them have been published because I cannot get out of my own way, I cannot stop stopping myself in my own tracks, I cannot stop its like a rolling train called my thoughts. I have come to realize that I get trapped in my head and instead of seeing what is out of my eyes, I see whatever I am thinking about instead. 

If I ever could just say all the things that I wanted to say maybe then the thoughts about these things could not so easily take me away. I know how to find peace but that is a place that I do not know how to stay. Its happens every single time, my thoughts come and I am whisked away into my mind. I try my best, the abyss is a place I would like to forget but keeping myself out is a lesson that I have not mastered yet.

 

I try, I try and I try so hard sometimes I break down and cry. I find myself asking why I end up in darkness when I am surrounded by light but there are so many factors that go into what we see in our lives, it can become a complicated thing that I am trying to leave alone so that I can one day get my wings. I end up in pain because I take myself back to times when I could have gone insane but clearly times have changed but that is what my eyes see and I am looking out of my brain. 

 

Its a cycle that I am stuck in I have lost before the battle ever begins because as soon as I let it in I am stuck in its winds, taken away from the brighest days, walking the straight and narrow now I am stuck in a maze. All this is going on in my head when this place should be calm while I let the chaos go on in the world instead. I know the truth, I know I end up letting my imagination make me look like a fool when it should be my secret weapon and my favortie tool, I learned how to use this thing way back in school but I am far from that little boy, I imagine the wrong things like grown ups do. 

 

I am working on it all, I plan on correcting it or at least taming it before the last time my eye lids fall, I want you to be able to say my name and I instantly hear your call because I am sitting there aware with my thoughts off. I am trying my best to master my time to meditate and control my mind. I pray as I try my best to change because my mind is winning too often and I am tired of playing its same silly games. 

I will know I have arrived when its my soul that I have allowed to drive, when I take my hands off the wheel but gripping it tighter and focusing on the way it feels, the here and now is where you belong oh yes its a big deal because every second you are whisked away you are closer to the seconds to the hour to the day to the moment in time when your soul takes it new place so while you are here you need to be here and fully occupy this time and space you may not know it but your mind can steal your time away. 

Carl The Muse.

 

 

 

Like The Butterfly Flies By: Carl The Muse

Like A Butterfly Flying High, You Will Find Me Reaching Towards The Sky, Floating On The Wind And Basking In The Light Is Where I Want To End Up As I Transform My Life, Like A Butterfly By: Carl The Muse

 

Like A Gentle Wave By: Carl The Muse

I have so many thoughts and so many feelings in my head, I often want to share them but I shut down or sometimes blow up instead. I do that thing I do, I get stuck in my head everything was moving but now the light is red. I stop, I do what I shouldn’t and I know I ought not.

 I know the moment that I am making that mistake but still I hesitate. I slowly go down and I let myself deflate instead of saying the words and ridding myself of this weight. It makes no sense to do the samething that I did when I was in trouble as a little kid. There is always a way to say it, if you have something to say. If you hide the truth it will not just go away. You may think you have buried it inside but you know what they say about the truth and how you cannot hide, that statement is the truth its no lie. 

Just when you think you have gotten away the truth will eventually come crashing through like a wave. The problem is not having the words to say, its fear of the reaction that makes people hesitate, your head is never blank, your mouth may not be moving but its not because you have nothing to say. 

Its a wonderful thing the ability to speak and share what is on the inside of me, I can say anything I feel and set myself free no matter what I am thinking or how I feel, I know how to speak, I know how to let it go, no matter what I am saying, I know how to speak easy. I know because I know how I want someone to speak but most of all I know this because of how my momma spoke to me. 

I was taught about the depth of words and I was taught that it was not just about what was being said, it was about how it was being heard, my mother taught me literally that the word speak, means to speak! Words are more than just words from honest people words are also verbs. Speaking is something you actively do, Its something you put your heart and soul into. 

I remember her telling me, Carl say it with empahsis and when I didn’t know how, she would say Carl, say it LIKE THIS! This is what you do. My mother taught me to speak freely but she told me to consider how I say it because once I let the words go they never can be retrived. My mother taught me that in a moment my words could bring someone up or I could take them way down, I could make them feel worthless or like they are wearing a crown. 

Think it through but make sure you share the things inside of you. If you are in a place where you hide your feelings in another place, you may think you are hiding but it can be seen on your face. Let it go, let your feelings be known, if they do not understand where you are at least after they will have a clue where you are going.

Openness and honesty is how any relationship succeeds, You can only fly if you let yourself be free. 

Its not what you say, It is how you say it, That is the key. 

The way you speak determines how you are received. 

No matter what you say, say it gently.

Carl The Muse.

 

The Moment You Wake By: Carl The Muse

Every time you open your eyes in the morning, you have won. Because the lord has blessed you with more time to enjoy life and to feel the warmth of the sun.

Someone Lost And You Have Gained

So Celebrate Every Moment Of Sunshine

Before You Experience Rain

The Sun Rises And Sets 

Things Always Change

But No Matter What

The Memories

Will Always Remain

Go Make The Moments 

Go And Play

Before Your Time Comes

And Night 

Takes Over For Day

Carl The Muse

 

 

 

Looking At Me By: Carl The Muse

I Often Look Deep Inside

 I Make Sure I Do

What I Know Is Right 

On The Outside

Before Mine And Your Eyes

The Way I Live My Life

I Want To Be A Source Of My Families Pride

In The Darkness

I Want To Be The Light 

I Want To Be So Bright 

That Even A Stranger Can Find Me At Night

I Want My Life To Be A Beautiful Sight 

Full Of Love And Happiness 

I Want To Spread Light Like Fire 

Being Happy And Spreading Happiness 

That’s My Hearts True Desire 

It Gives Me A High So High 

I Can Get No Higher

I Look In The Mirror 

I Stare At Myself 

I Want To Be My Best 

For

Everyone Else 

Looking In The Mirror Before I Go Outside

The Simple Complex Way Carl The Muse Lives His Life.

Carl The Muse

 

Awake, The Storm Only Threw Me Into Place By: Carl The Muse

Lately I have had trouble sleeping, I want to be awake all night, I am too excited or too content whatever you want to call it, I have been too excited to close my eyes at night and so I have been spending most of my hours the same way day or night, I am either playing with my children or I am some where around the house rediscovering my wife. 

When I do close my eyes, I never sleep through the whole night, It seems like I always wake up at the same time to get a drink of water, to kiss my kids in their beds, to walk around my home to look outside, I am living a dream all I have to do is open my eyes, and so I am caught in this endless circle of living every moment, I see no difference between day and night, The moon rules one and the sun the other side, the thing they both have in common is light. 

I am like a flower, I grow where there light tells me to go. Its hard to sleep when love surrounds me. One day I will die, One day I will not be in this body, One day I will see out of a different set of eyes and so while I am here, I am living this life. I know what I feel I can see the difference between what is fake and what is real.

I open my eyes and adjust to the light, I look at the water, I listen to the waves right outside and then I look over next to me and I start to crave my wife. Its the same thing every night, I rise out of my bed walk around my home and then I get back in bed with my wife and I cannot leave her alone and she tells me to do whatever I want to do because I am her King and this bed is my throne, she tells me not to knock on the door to my own home, she says I can come right over, I never have to pick up the phone and when she tells me this I enter this zone and so every night, I reclaim my throne. 

It feels like we have been awake for days we are trapped in the best place and we are not even trying to escape the maze, we have hit our stride, ten years is more than a phase, we have all sorts of momentum now, we are just riding the wave.

The darkness nothing more than a change, The rain, nothing more than preparation for the gain, The loss, there is none it was not in vain, The scars, memories of what was but even they have healed nothing from then remains, they were all washed away in the storm cleansed by the rain. 

One thing I cannot be called is insane, my core remains, but with perspective and experience my behaviors change, I want people to smile when they mention my name. To my family, my friends and strangers in the street my aim remains the same, with my tragedy, I share the testimony of how love rescued me, I tell where I was because it was that moment then that allowed me to be who I am now, It was in that moment that I learned for this moment and now I know how. 

There is always hope, their is always a yes awaiting on the other side of no, you have to tread water, even when it seems you are surely sinking you have to know, you will be saved, you will float, so pray and say thanks and prepare for the winds to blow and before you know, You will be where you were supposed to go, but you cannot doubt, you have to know. 

Maybe that is why I wake up and seem to stay that way for days, Maybe its why I love my family more everyday, Maybe is because I have finally realized that I am not strong enough to do it alone and I have allowed myself to be saved. 

I prepared my sail and I have been truly awake, I have been right here right now, the moment is at stake because the moments that I do not appreciate might later be taken away.

 

I Am Awake, The storm came and threw me into place, I went through what I needed to

God makes no mistakes, and now I am aware of just is what is at stake.

I am thankful for love and perspective, that is all I gotta say.

Awake, The Storm Only Threw Me Into Place By: Carl The Muse

 

 

 

 

I Fell Into Place, I Stumbled But Not To My Face By: Carl The Muse

One of the greatest lessons that I learned in losing my mother and my brother and a whole host of others that I would spend the rest of my years trying to tell you about these wonderful souls that I have been blessed to know. 

The thing that I have learned in all this loss is gain. I gained perspective, I gained a real sense of here and now. I have always been one to sit in the sun and let the wind blow upon my face, I have always been able to stop and stare, however now it is no longer just sometimes now in every moment and every thing I do, I take the time to take the time. 

These days I do not pray and ask for much after so many days of turmoil suddenly I know that I should just be thanking God for my peace for my life, for what I have. The more that I have gone through the more that I have received gifts that only God could bestow upon me.

I have been able to slow down, to smile at those around me, my passion is now just something that fuels my compassion and not the other way around. I lost my mother here on earth but I hear her in my head telling me to do this and to go that way instead. 

I feel blessed, I am not a child, I am a man, A man with a family that I love dearly, we wake up to the sound of waves, we watch the sunset from our bed. Despite all the turmoil God has provided me with a peace that I only needed to open my eyes to see.

I had my mother for all of my years and there is a child who never did. I loved my brother, and there is somewhere who has never met theirs, so while I have loved and lost. I have gained because the memories remain, how can I complain when someone somewhere has it worse than me because like I said when I look outside I do not see darkness surrounding me.

I have been running, I have been swimming, I have been making love, I have been randomly keeping my kids home so that I can take them out and show them what they mean to me. I have fallen in love with my wife again somehow for the millionth time because over the years we have changed but the core of the woman and man remain and whatever is there it is there and we know what that is, Its called LOVE.

 

We have been going to sleep at four in the morning because we spend all night up together like we just met. I pick up my kids from school and I rejoice because the moment they get back in the car with me I know that I am blessed.

I anticipate my wife coming home in a way that I hope she realizes by the things that I do. I find myself right where I need to be living and operating at the center of me. I am letting my love do the leading and my brain is being used for reading. I am no longer thinking about what I should do, now I am thinking about the fact that I did it.

I have put the love, the faith, the testimony and all that I have been blessed with to use, I have been standing in the light opening my mouth and my soul to those around me, I am slowing down, not to a crawl, I am just no longer powered by fire, now I am powered by the water and the winds, I am a sail boat going where God wants me to go.

 

I am in place ready and willing to go where the winds take me. God has not taken a thing from me, he has given me the world and then some. My mother did not die, she is now free, and while I am still here on this planet she is still living through me and these wonderful seeds for I am just a testimony for all the things that all these wonderful people have put inside of me. 

I appreciate the time that I had with all those souls that loved me and shared time and space with me, I was being blessed with every moment and it was simply for me to see. I know now when I pick up my kids that I should be happy and so now they are greeted in a way that lets them know that these moments are moments, I want them to remember what I do and how I am to them so that they give what I gave them to their kids. 

 

I pray for years, I want to be here long enough to be there for the birth of my grandchildren, I want to take my grandchildren to the park while I sit and watch them and think of moments like this when it was just a dream and then I want to do just what I do now. 

 

I look forward to the future, I look forward to right now, I am happy,  I am in love, I am loved, I eat well, I live in paradise and the beauty of life is all I can see out of my eyes. 

 

Death taught me that, Pain taught me that, The lessons have to be learned, the blessings have to be earned, every step and every move that you make is special if you make it so. There are so many cliches about time, the one thing I know about time or the thing that I thought I knew is that the control is not mine. 

 

Did I say I feel blessed? That is how I have been, I have a million things to share and I will do my duty and use this platform to freely share it, even if just three souls find some truth and perspective from my testimony, then I have done for them what so many others have done for me.

 

Carl The Muse is just a manifestation, My mom always said, baby, I am proud of you Carl, you are really really a man, and knowing that my love rules me, I can say that I am. 

 

My feet are firmly planted, I know where to stand. 

 

Carl.